Secrets, Sins & Silence
Our local news(?)paper is currently running a series on the sex abuse scandal in the Church called Secrets, Sins & Silence. The series is getting national attention and has caused a lot of discussion on the Internet. One particular discussion which I have been involved in is located on another web log. I have been very surprised with the tone of the posts. There is little concern with helping the victims, but the main focus has been "nail the bishops".
There is a lot of anger, at least among this particular group. I have been making feeble attempts to stick up for the bishops, giving them at least the benefit of the doubt. Even if there were a few bad apples, there are people who want to tar and feather all of them, including the Pope. I made the comment that I believe, given the chance to do it all over again, that many people would have acted differently.
One member of the group replied that she didn't believe it. Following is my reply to her:
She wrote: "I like your optimism. I just don't share your opinion that if the church had the opportunity to do this over again that they would do things differently."
Why not? I assume that by "the church" you are referring to those bishops who allegedly acted improperly. Considering the nightmare this has become for all of us, I find it hard to believe that anyone from the Pope on down doesn't wish that all this had never happened. Considering the heat that all of the bishops are taking about this, I believe that with 20/20 hindsight, they would have acted differently. Think about it. They had nothing to gain by their actions, or lack thereof.
I find it hard to equate any of our bishops with cartoon bad guys. (She had said that the bishops remind her of the bad guys in a Scooby Doo cartoon. "We would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those darned kids." )I really don't think any of them thought they were "getting away with it." For whatever reason, misguided or not, I believe they thought they were doing the right thing, if not for the victim, then for the Church. Remember, I said "misguided or not". Some of them were misguided, either by trusted advisors or by their own consciences.
It's easy to be angry about all this. I'm as angry as anyone else. As I mentioned earlier, a member of my own parish committed suicide because he was abused by a priest who had dozens of victims.
Let me bore you with my experience. I was abused as an adolescent, not by a priest, but by another trusted adult. Over the years, I did what most victims do, which is to supress the memory. I really didn't give it much thought until just recently. The memories were triggered by the current situation. It was only then, after reading about the affect that abuse can have on a person that I realized that a lot of my own personality traits (the bad ones, not the good ones) can be attributed to the abuse. I've missed a lot in my life because I would never allow myself to trust anyone.
The point is that I, as a victim, had no idea how much damage had been done. It seems reasonable to me that someone who hasn't been abused, really has no clue. It doesn't surprise me that some bishops didn't understand the seriousness of what was happening on their watch. Remember, I'm not saying that they were right, just that they were misinformed.
As usual, this post is probably too long, but LW, let me just ask a question. When your 7 year old jumps off the couch, do you think he really intends to hurt his brother? Probably not. When he finds out that he has hurt his brother, do you think he's sorry? He is. Hopefully he's sorry because he loves his brother, not because he got caught and is going to be punished.
Child sexual abuse is a huge problem, not just in our church, but in society in general. We need a strong Church to lead the way in dealing with it. For your sake, and mine, I'd just like to see us deal with it as disciples of Christ, not as an angry mob.
We have to trust that the Holy Spirit will guide our leaders. I think there's a better chance of that happening if we pray for them, rather than condemning them.
There is a lot of anger, at least among this particular group. I have been making feeble attempts to stick up for the bishops, giving them at least the benefit of the doubt. Even if there were a few bad apples, there are people who want to tar and feather all of them, including the Pope. I made the comment that I believe, given the chance to do it all over again, that many people would have acted differently.
One member of the group replied that she didn't believe it. Following is my reply to her:
She wrote: "I like your optimism. I just don't share your opinion that if the church had the opportunity to do this over again that they would do things differently."
Why not? I assume that by "the church" you are referring to those bishops who allegedly acted improperly. Considering the nightmare this has become for all of us, I find it hard to believe that anyone from the Pope on down doesn't wish that all this had never happened. Considering the heat that all of the bishops are taking about this, I believe that with 20/20 hindsight, they would have acted differently. Think about it. They had nothing to gain by their actions, or lack thereof.
I find it hard to equate any of our bishops with cartoon bad guys. (She had said that the bishops remind her of the bad guys in a Scooby Doo cartoon. "We would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those darned kids." )I really don't think any of them thought they were "getting away with it." For whatever reason, misguided or not, I believe they thought they were doing the right thing, if not for the victim, then for the Church. Remember, I said "misguided or not". Some of them were misguided, either by trusted advisors or by their own consciences.
It's easy to be angry about all this. I'm as angry as anyone else. As I mentioned earlier, a member of my own parish committed suicide because he was abused by a priest who had dozens of victims.
Let me bore you with my experience. I was abused as an adolescent, not by a priest, but by another trusted adult. Over the years, I did what most victims do, which is to supress the memory. I really didn't give it much thought until just recently. The memories were triggered by the current situation. It was only then, after reading about the affect that abuse can have on a person that I realized that a lot of my own personality traits (the bad ones, not the good ones) can be attributed to the abuse. I've missed a lot in my life because I would never allow myself to trust anyone.
The point is that I, as a victim, had no idea how much damage had been done. It seems reasonable to me that someone who hasn't been abused, really has no clue. It doesn't surprise me that some bishops didn't understand the seriousness of what was happening on their watch. Remember, I'm not saying that they were right, just that they were misinformed.
As usual, this post is probably too long, but LW, let me just ask a question. When your 7 year old jumps off the couch, do you think he really intends to hurt his brother? Probably not. When he finds out that he has hurt his brother, do you think he's sorry? He is. Hopefully he's sorry because he loves his brother, not because he got caught and is going to be punished.
Child sexual abuse is a huge problem, not just in our church, but in society in general. We need a strong Church to lead the way in dealing with it. For your sake, and mine, I'd just like to see us deal with it as disciples of Christ, not as an angry mob.
We have to trust that the Holy Spirit will guide our leaders. I think there's a better chance of that happening if we pray for them, rather than condemning them.
posted by Mike at 1:31 PM
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